


Be Kou To Yourself

by Aislashu



Category: Free!
Genre: Acceptance, Comfort, Coming Out, Free! Kink Meme, Friendship, Gen, Gender Issues, Genderqueer Character, Other, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 10:51:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aislashu/pseuds/Aislashu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gou has never felt like part of a group before, has never been so fully integrated into other people's lives where they almost rely on her. Unable to hide any longer, she feels the need to reveal her best-kept secret to the Iwatobi Swim Club, and needs her big brother there with her. </p><p>Written for the Kink Meme prompt:<br/>exactly what it says in the subject line - Kou is MtF transgender. She's known she's a girl her entire life, and that's part of the reason why she prefers the feminine form of her name.</p><p>+ Rin might forget and call her 'Gou' sometimes, but misgender his little sister and he will kick your ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Kou To Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> I went with closer to Genderqueer than full-on transgender, and thus when referring to Gou use the Genderqueer terms 'shi' and 'hir,' etc. It made it a bit easier for me to relate to. ^.^;

    Gou leaned on the wall outside of Samezuka Academy. There was no practice today, and it had been fairly easy to wave off the invitations of the other boys. No mention of seeing Rin, because Gou didn't want anyone tagging along, and it was a lot easier talking to him when they weren't around.  
  
     »I want to talk to you.  
  
    What? I'm busy right now.«  
  
    »Well, I'm outside your school.  
  
    What?!«  
  
    »Please, Oniichan. It's important.  
  
    Are you okay?«  
  
    »I'm fine. Please?  
  
    Fine...give me a few minutes.«  
  
    Rin came out a few minutes later as promised, frowning, his hands in his pockets. He tilted his head and turned, heading down the sidewalk. Gou followed, smiling softly.  
  
    "What's this about?" Rin frowned.  
  
    "Kou," Gou murmured softly.   
  
    Rin blinked and glanced over, frown deepening. He didn't say anything, though, taking Gou to the cafe nearby and finding a table in the back. Rin knew what Gou liked, so he got that while Gou took the table, waiting quietly and staring at the surface. Setting the bubble tea down, he took a seat and sipped his own black coffee.  
  
    "Is someone bothering you?"  
  
    "No...well, Nagisa keeps insisting on calling me Gou, and one of these days I'm probably going to kill him, but...no. I...I'm thinking of...telling them."  
  
    "Are you sure?"  
  
    "I...I've never felt closer to anyone, outside of you, Oniichan. Even when you're being an ass." Gou smiled softly, fingering the lid of the bubble tea.   
  
    Rin scoffed and looked away, brows furrowed in worry. He sipped his coffee before looking back over.  
  
    "It's...your call, Kou."  
  
    "I want you there."  
  
    "This is one of your schemes, isn't it," Rin frowned, staring suspiciously.   
  
    "No!" Gou's head shook back and forth quickly. "I promise. It's just...I need you there, Rin. In...in the small chance it goes...bad. I don't want to face it alone."  
  
    "Gou..." Rin frowned, and Gou shot him a small glare. "Kou," he said quickly, "it won't go bad."  
  
    "Please," Gou's voice was quiet, pleading.   
  
    "Ugh," Rin let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. You know, sometimes I wish you were still my little brother...that way I could kick your ass when you're being a pain. But I can't hit a freaking girl. It's not fair," he lamented, teasing.  
  
    "Mostly girl, anyway," shi laughed softly and stuck out hir tongue, finally taking a drink of the bubble tea. "It will be nice, letting them know...and maybe Nagisa will finally start calling me Kou."  
  
    "I'll kick his ass if he doesn't," Rin promised, smirking softly.   
  
    "Somehow, I have the feeling he'd win," shi teased.  
  
    "What?! That's insulting. He's as harmless as Nitori."  
  
    "Oh, sometimes it's the little ones that pack surprises."  
  
    "Like you." Rin grinned broadly.  
  
    "HEY!" Gou kicked Rin under the table, flushing and laughing. "That's horrible!"   
  
    "Ow! Hey, not my fault, you kinda left that one open."  
  
    "Guess I did," shi laughed quietly, then moved hir cup in a circle on the table. "Will you...come with me now?"  
  
    "You're really serious about this."  
  
    "I...yeah, I am. I've told Miss Ama-chan all ready, actually..on the island. Since we were sharing the lodge and all...she was...really cool about it, actually."  
  
    "So you kinda took my place in the group, huh," Rin mused.  
  
    "No. Rei-chan is technically your spot, since he's their butterfly swimmer. But you left a hole in that group, Oniichan," shi said quietly. "And there's a hole in you, too. You're just...too stubborn to look at it."  
  
    "If you want me to come with you, don't say shit like that!" Rin snapped, gritting his teeth. The flash of anger...pain...was surprising, and he looked away, shutting his eyes.  
  
    Gou hung hir head and sighed softly. Shi knew better than to push too hard, especially now, or Rin would just walk away. Instead, shi just reached out, resting hir hand on his, squeezing it gently.   
  
    "I guess you better set it all up, if we're doing this tonight," Rin finally said.   
  
    Gou nodded, picking up hir phone and dialing Makoto's number, listening to it ring.  
  
    "Mako-chan? Hi...yes, it's me," Gou paused, listening. "No, everything...it's fine, yes. I wanted to talk to everyone...do you think Haruka-senpai would mind if we all met at his house?"  
  
    Rin watched his sister, turning his hand over under hirs and squeezing it gently. He could feel hir hand trembling a bit in his.   
  
    "It's important, yes...no, I'm not leaving! No...no, Oniichan is okay...he's fine..."  
  
    Rin's eyes widened a bit, and Gou a look that basically said 'See? Told you so!' as shi listened.   
  
    "Oh..and...Rin's coming with me. So please don't be surprised. No..not over the phone. We'll be there soon, okay?"  
  
    "You know, you've probably got them worried as hell," Rin laughed softly when she hung up. "Something important, and you're bringing me? I bet Makoto is running through all kinds of shit in his head right now. Are we sick? Did a parent die? Is one of us dying?"   
  
    "What? But I told him everything's fine!"  
  
    "And how often do you believe me when I tell you I'm fine?" Rin raised his brow.   
  
    "That..that's different. YOU'RE lying," Gou crossed hir arms, huffing.  
  
    "Am not!"   
  
    Gou just stared at him and he gave a little growl, looking away, "Let's go, then."  
  
    Gou grinned triumphantly and got hir cup, getting up. Their cups were empty by the time they got to the station and were tossed away, and once on the train, Gou couldn't help but to lean against hir big brother, smiling when his arm went around hir shoulders.   
  
    "I wish I didn't have to nag to talk to you..."  
  
    "Samezuka keeps be busy..."  
  
    "But it's not just that, and you know it...it was...before, too. After you went to Australia...you never talk about it...and sometimes...sometimes it feels like my Oniichan...died over there," Gou looked down and couldn't stop the tears from coming, feeling them rolling down hir face.   
  
    "Kou..." Rin swallowed hard, shocked. He hugged her to his chest, and hir tears caused his own, burying his face in hir hair. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you."  
  
    "We used to talk all the time, when you were bright and happy, and energetic...you had your dreams, and...and you gushed about Mako-chan and Haruka-senpai and even Nagisa-kun..."  
  
    Rin shut his eyes against the memories and just hugged hir tightly, face buried into hir hair as shi cried, and he cried with hir. Gou's tears almost always set off his own, no matter what. Gou drew back, sniffling and wiping hir eyes, giving Rin an apologetic smile.  
  
    "I'm sorry...it's...just rare to get you alone for so long, and it just.."  
  
    "It's fine..." Rin wiped his own eyes, embarrassed. "Just...realize, how I act...or what I do...it doesn't mean I love you any less, you'll always be my sister. Brother. Thing."  
  
    "I hate you," Gou punched him in the shoulder, laughing and drying hir eyes. "You're such an asshole," shi teased affectionately.  
  
    "Yeah, yeah..." Rin grinned a bit and rubbed his shoulder. "Shit woman, when did you learn to punch so hard?"  
  
    "Since I ended up with a jerkwad for a brother," Gou huffed, grinning. "At least he still knows how to make me laugh."  
  
    "And you still know how to make me cry...in pain. Shit." Rin laughed quietly, sighing. "You know...I'm still not convinced this isn't one of your schemes."  
  
    "My oniichan doesn't trust me," Gou pouted.   
  
    "No, your oniichan knows his imouto, that's all."  
  
    Shi stuck out hir tongue and got to hir feet when the train pulled in to Iwatobi station. Rin stared suspiciously at hir back, then feigned a look of innocence when shi looked back at him. Gou made a face at him and smiled softly, wrapping hir arms around one of Rin's as they stepped off the train, heading for Haruka's house.   
  
    "This will be the first time I've been to his house in years," Rin said softly.   
  
    "I  know it's hard on you...don't lie and deny it. You've pushed them away so hard, and I know Haruka-senpai's house holds memories for you. Like your first kiss," Gou smirked softly.  
  
    "Shit, you remember that?!"  
  
    "Mm," Gou grinned more. "You were everyone's first kiss, weren't you? You slut."  
  
    "That bottle was fucking rigged, I swear!" Rin growled, face bright red. "I swear, the only time it didn't land on me was when I spun it!"   
  
    Gou laughed softly, tugging Rin's arm, glad shi could still tease him. And shi felt him relax a bit beside hir, so that was a plus.   
  
    "Maybe we should buy a bottle before we get there. It'll feel like old times."  
  
    "Oh, my god. I'm going to kill you, GOU."  
  
    "Kou!"   
  
    "Gooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu," Rin sang, freeing his arm and taking off down the road.  
  
    Gou squealed in mock rage, running after him. Rin laughed as he let hir caught up, and felt hir jump onto his back, staggering him briefly under hir weight before he slid his arms under hir legs. He piggy-backed hir, laughing softly, though the laugh died on his lips when he saw the Iwatobi team waiting on the stairs near Haru's house, staring.   
  
    "What?" Rin demanded, face sinking back into its normal scowl, setting Gou down.  
  
    Gou frowned and sighed, moving to stand next to Rin, glancing up at the boys and giving a light wave.  
  
    "It's nothing," Makoto smiled softly, inviting them up the steps.  
  
    "Thought we saw someone we USED to know," Haruka said before he turned away, walking into the house.   
  
    Gou saw Rin duck his head and took his hand gently, leading him up the steps, following Makoto and the rest into Haruka's house. Rin and Gou sat on one end of the table, while Makoto and Haruka sat at the other end, Rei and Nagisa on either side.   
  
    "Are you a lesbian?" Nagisa asked immediately.  
  
    "What?!"  
  
    "She stares at muscles all the time, how could you think that?" Makoto clucked his tongue, laughing.  
  
    "Do you hate water?" Haruka frowned.  
  
    "Are you failing all your classes? I shall tutor you, so your grades will be beautiful!" Rei declared.   
  
    "Oh! Oh! Will you declare your love of the Rockhopper Penguin?!  
  
    Gou felt her eye and lips start to twitch as she just stared at everyone, and beside her Rin's scowl just deepened. Finally he banged both hands onto the table, making everyone jump.  
  
    "WILL YOU JUST SHIT UP AND LET KOU TALK!"   
  
    Gou rubbed hir face and took a deep breath. Shi glanced up, and the site of all eyes on hir made hir nearly lose hir nerve. Another deep breath, mouth opening...no sound. Shi closed her mouth and tried again, and it felt like a fist closed on hir stomach. It had been so much easier to tell Ama-chan...sort of...this was a lot harder. They were just...staring.   
  
    "Kou?" Makoto said softly. "Whatever it is...it's okay."  
  
    Gou looked over and focused, solely on Makoto's warm gaze and that soothing smile. Shi took another deep breath,swallowing hard and licking hir dried lips. Shi kept her gaze on Makoto, knowing his words were sincere.  
  
    "I..." Rin's hand rested on hir back, strengthening hir. "I was born a boy. I went by Gou...and by male terms...until about a year before Rin met most of you at Iwatobi."  
  
    Gou looked down, closing hir eyes. Shi didn't want to see the looks of disgust, or the rejection shi imagined may be there. What she didn't expect...was to hear Nagisa start LAUGHING.  
  
    "That's a funny joke, Gou-chan! You had me for a second!"   
  
    Gou's eyes snapped open wide, just in time to see Rin start lunging across the table. Shi yelped, getting hir arms around his waist and hauling him back just in time, his fist missing Nagisa's shocked face by inches. Rin snarled, pulling against hir grip as his angry red eyes were locked on Nagisa.  
  
    "Let me fucking go so I can beat him to a pulp! You don't fucking laugh at MY SISTER! You have no idea how hard this was for her!" Rin shouted.   
  
    "Rin!" Gou pleaded.   
  
    "Y..you were serious?" Nagisa asked, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself.   
  
    "Rin...please, calm down...Nagisa didn't mean anything..." Makoto said softly.   
  
    Rin stopped struggling in Gou's grip and settled for glaring at the little blond, sharp teeth bared in warning. Gou sighed and leaned on Rin, kissing his cheek softly before shi turned to look at the boys, nodding quietly.   
  
    "I'm serious. It's...part of why I'm here. At my old school...people knew, and...it was hard. But no one from my area goes to Iwatobi, so...my parents and I decided it would be best if I came here."  
  
    "So...you're transgendered?" Makoto's voice was warm, inviting hir to talk.   
  
    "Sort-of?" Gou frowned, thinking. "People call it Genderqueer..."  
  
    "I'm not familiar with that term," Rei said, adjusting his glasses. He sat up a bit straighter, looking at Gou. "Would you explain it?"  
  
    "They don't fully attach to one gender, male or female. Maybe feeling closer to female, but they don't want to get surgery."  
  
    All eyes turned to Haruka, surprised. Haruka kept his stoic gaze on Gou and tilted his head. Gou gave a soft smile and tilted hir head in return, thinking to hirself that shi spent perhaps too much time with Haruka when shi could read his looks.  
  
    "I use s-h-i, or h-i-r...it's a combination of 'her' and 'his'...'she' and 'he'. Though Oniichan is more comfortable just going with the normal she."  
  
    "Haru...how did you?" Makoto tilted his head curiously, and Haruka simply shrugged, looking away.  "Well, it doesn't matter...what matters is it doesn't change what we think of you, Kou."  
  
    "Right!" Nagisa said, smiling. "And I...I'll try not to call you 'Gou' anymore!" he promised.   
  
    "Thank you, Nagisa-kun," shi smiled at the blond, getting a thumbs-up in return.   
  
    "I won't pretend to understand the concept, I will do research on it myself tonight!" Rei declared, then adjusted his glasses and smiled. "Then I shall know all the theories and endeavor to understand our manager better! Thank you for your trust in us!"  
  
    "Oh oh! Does that mean Mikoshiba-san is actually flirting with a..."  
  
    Makoto, being the closest, quickly had Nagisa's mouth covered with one of his large hands, muffling the boy's words as he talked against it. Rin's eyes narrowed at the blond and Gou groaned, covering hir face. Nagisa made a face under Makoto's hand and crossed his arms, pouting behind the boy's palm.   
  
    "Does Ama-chan know?" Haruka asked.  
  
    "I...told her during the training camp. Since we were sharing at the lodge..."  
  
    Haruka nodded and looked over at Makoto, who finally released Nagisa and gave him a small, motherly warning look.   
  
    "Let's play Mario Party," Haruka didn't wait for anyone, getting up and heading into the living room to set up his system and all the extra controllers.   
  
    "I call Peach!" Nagisa got up, running after Haruka.   
  
    Rei stood and headed after Nagisa, and Makoto sat, looking at Gou and Rin.   
  
    "Will you stay, Rin?"  
  
    "Yes, he will!" Gou chirped, grinning. "Let's play! You can be Wario."  
  
    "What? Why?!"  
  
    "Cause you're a meanie!"   
  
    Bickering back and forth, they headed after the others. Laughing, and happy to have Rin with them for once after so long, Makoto followed.


End file.
